Un Anno Dopo...A Year Later

On Sunday, March 5 we marked the one-year anniversary of our arrival in Italy. I made it! Woo Hoo!  Some days it feels like just yesterday we were loading the dogs and fish onto a plane and setting off on this adventure. Other days it feels like we've lived here for a really, really long time. When I set out to write this blog my goal was to document my first year of life in Italy. So now that time has passed and I've decided to wrap up this blog.  Partly because it feels like a natural break.  But also because there are some big new projects on the horizon and I feel that they warrant their own place.  So....this is the final posting for Puglia, Pooches and Primitivo!  This has been an amazing experience and I hope that those of you reading my notes have enjoyed following along.  Thanks for your support. Here are my parting thoughts.

The anniversary of my arrival in Italy has given me reason to pause (over a glass or two... or ten...of prosecco) and think about how my reality compares to my expectations. And to consider whether I am getting what I had hoped from this move. So I've written down a few personal observations/lessons learned. Perhaps someone reading this and contemplating a move might find them helpful. Or maybe just find them fun. Or interesting. I hope so.

In no particular order of importance...

1) You know that expression "wherever you go, there you are"? My goodness that is true. If I made this move hoping to wake up every morning having left behind my quirks and insecurities....that did not happen. There was nothing in the water that turned me into the super confident, stylish European lady I have always admired. I still hate my hair, my ever-deepening forehead lines and RBF. I feel like I need to lose 10 (or perhaps right now more) pounds. Can't stand having my picture taken.  I'm really nervous about making grammar mistakes when I speak Italian. And I still go to the store wearing yoga pants and then regret it. Bleh!
However there is one BIG change in my life.  I finally did what I had talked about forever. I got sick of hearing myself blather on about it and I blasted myself out of my comfort zone. I have had no choice but to step out every day into a world that is foreign, not just in language, but in culture, to me. And I've done a pretty good job of navigating. Of that I am very proud. I'll continue to work on the other things (probably to the grave). But for now I'm gonna put one big tick in the "good for me" column.

2) Coming here has reaffirmed (x 100!) my commitment to animals and the animal welfare community. It is a passion that transcends borders and languages. One of the saddest things in my life is having to encounter animal abuses and suffering. I do what I can every day. I feed strays (most of whom are too timid to interact but I know they are grateful). I have developed friendships with neighborhood dogs who are "outdoor pets". I give them biscuits and a kind word each time I pass. They now know the sound of my car. And I lose sleep on cold nights thinking about them, knowing there is nothing immediate I can do. (There is no animal control hotline here that I can call and their owners clearly see no problem.) Heavy sigh....

I have made it a point to meet the people who are leading the charge for animal welfare locally and battling uphill in a community that does not have enabling conditions or facilities working in their favor. We connect in a very profound way and I am going to double down on my efforts to support them and those like them in this world. They are so much braver than I will ever be. (WATCH THIS SPACE for a new project or two that I have up my sleeve.)

**Speaking of animal welfare in my little corner of Puglia, I must recount the fact that during hunting season I, along with Craig, did my best to turn the lives of the local "cacciatori" upside down. Hell hath no fury like an American woman running into the woods chasing after an armed Italian hunter for coming way too close to her home and shooting at the beautiful birds.....all the while shouting expletives in a mix of languages. I survived that ordeal and eventually the hunters stopped coming close to our house. I'm sure they continued shooting at other people's neighborhood birds, which makes me very sad. But if I made them uncomfortable for a time, then I suppose I did my job.**

3) I have learned the importance of being careful what you wish for. After many, many years of hard work, company politics and seemingly non-stop traveling, I was really looking forward to a mid-life "timeout". For the first few months living in Puglia that break did not seem forthcoming. Struggling with language, the medical system, the electricity, water and gas issues, getting my Italian residence, and getting my dogs sorted all kept me occupied. Daily life presented a fair number of challenges.

Fast forward to today and things look a little different. Having settled into a routine and now having lots of time on my hands, I am starting to wonder if a long-term break is what I wanted. And wondering what kind of life will be fulfilling going forward. Is there such a thing as a happy medium? Do I have something big yet to accomplish? I am not a philosopher. Or a writer. Or a painter. So living a "vita tranquilla"?  Not so sure. I do enjoy being in my own company to a point (I am, after all, quite funny). However, according to Myers-Briggs, I'm a raging, full-fledged extrovert.....needing external reinforcement and stimulation to derive energy.  Thinking I might need to put myself back out there in one way, shape or form.  (See note #2 above.)

For anyone making this kind of move, especially at 50, this is something worth a good deal of consideration.

4) Do you remember the story about the city mouse and the country mouse? Well I'm still really confused about which one I am. When I'm in the city for too long I long for rolling hills, mountains, the ocean, fresh air. When I'm in the country too long I find myself missing the energy and cultural options provided by an urban environment and getting frustrated with the slower pace of life....a dilemma that has been heightened this year as I have not had business travel to keep me in and out of different countries, cities and various "oh my god my feet are sinking in goopy Amazonian clay and I hope I don't get eaten by piranhas" and "what do you mean I can't blow dry my hair?" environments. Perhaps it would be different if I had a big family or other pressing reasons that would draw me to one place or another. But right now I'm clinging to the idea that I can structure my life to include both. (NB: Dogs prefer country life, so I'm taking their votes into consideration for my primary residence.)

5) And finally, I have, in the last year, been reminded of the importance of friendship. Not sure how I would have coped if I had made this move in the era before social media/Skype/WhatsApp. Times when I was frustrated or sad or doubtful it meant a lot to get words of encouragement and have laughs with my friends from all over the world. And to keep connected with everyone else's news. Sharing this adventure has made it that much more rewarding. I do hope that I can pay it forward for the next person who takes a crazy leap. And I hope you will all continue to hang with me.

Abbracci e baci,

T.

Six Months.....And A New Chapter Begins



Ciao a tutti!  Happy Labor Day to my friends in the US!  Hope everyone has had a good summer.

A few people have asked me recently what happened to my blog.  My answer?  I got stuck in a bit of a mental sludge over the summer.  I suppose it was inevitable that there would be some level of let down after the flurry of activity surrounding the move and getting life sorted here (which is still not 100%, but close).  And I just didn't feel I was doing anything blog-worthy or meaningful. I have enjoyed immensely the luxury of spending time by the sea and drinking prosecco and eating good food, but pretty obnoxious and, quite frankly, boring to write about on a regular basis.   (NB: I will clarify that one of the high points of my summer was a trip to Rome/Naples with my sister and our mission to rescue the adorable little Bacio, who is now the newest member of the Seibert family and living large in Pennsylvania.  Pictured in photo above with his big brothers Charlie and Brody.  Thank you Megan and Animals Without Limits!!!)

But I woke up this morning and realized that it's the six-month anniversary of our move.  I've lived in Italy for six months! And I've survived!  I'm going to allow myself  a little celebration. Woo hoo!

This realization has given me a jolt of energy and a renewed desire to figure out what the next six months/years might look like.  I have a bunch of ideas floating around my head.  Just a matter of choosing a few and taking action.  No time like the present.

So....here are a few things I am doing to set me on the right path:

1) I am beginning a series of private Italian language classes.  The butchered, basic conversation I am able to have, coupled with smiling, nodding and wild hand gestures have served their purpose thus far in communicating with people who don't speak English.  But I would dearly love to have an adult conservation in Italian. 

2) I am actively seeking out causes behind which I can throw my energy.  I have an idea for a fundraiser next summer to benefit animal welfare in Southern Italy. And I want to organize clean up day at Parco Dune Costiere with the help of our new friends at Albergabici. 

3) I am going back to the gym.  The intense summer heat and a not-very-well-ventilated building gave me a perfect excuse to bail on workouts.  But the arrival of September has meant cooling temperatures.  And no more excuses.

4) I am exploring with some new Swedish friends who run a real estate company here in Puglia the idea of taking on a new renovation project.  Still in the very, very early stages, but I have my eye on a property.

I hope to have lots of news to share before too long. 

Watch this space....



Che Sorpresa! (What a Surprise!)

 

I am an Italophile.  Guilty as charged. And while I like to think I am not naïve in considering the extent of any country's merits, I will admit that I moved to Italy with pretty high (perhaps somewhat unrealistic) expectations.  That makes it all the more significant when I say that I have been consistently and pleasantly surprised as I explore and experience many aspects of life in Puglia. (I will suspend, for now, thoughts of my battle with the electric company and my drawn out process for getting resident status so I can just brag about this beautiful place.) Here are a few examples of what I mean.

Food



Simply Stunning Japanese Meal at Puro

Orecchiette with Cime di Rape and Pomodori in Ostuni

Anyone who has read my previous blog posts or my Facebook page…or anyone who has traveled in Italy for that matter…will undoubtedly not be surprised when I say that the food in Puglia is nothing short of spectacular. But it’s not just the food in restaurants that has me taken aback (although I can say I haven’t had one bad meal). And it’s well beyond the expected fare of pasta and pizza. It’s all of the food. It’s the prepared food at the grocery store (BEST frozen soups you can imagine). It’s the plethora of delicious vegetarian and vegan food options. It’s the market. It’s the snacks. It’s the bread. It’s the best roasted potatoes I have ever tasted. It’s the best Japanese food I have had in my life….in a town called Polignano a Mare. Go figure. 

Having said all of this, however, I have identified one potential downside to living in a place you used to travel for foodie holidays.  And that's eating like you are on holiday.  All the time. In my case I can’t help myself as it provides so much pleasure.  I have no willpower. I’m not sure if the food is so good  because of the fabulous ingredients.  Or if it’s the care and skill with which people approach the preparation.  Or a combination of the above (likely).  In any case, my already high expectations have been exceeded.  By a mile. 

Note: I have just found a gym near my home and will be joining as soon as I get back from my upcoming trip to the US/Sweden.


Vegan Carpaccio from Soleterra (I marinate with lemon juice and garlic)



Best.  Roasted. Potatoes.  Ever. Seriously.

Ratatouille made with Locorotondo Market Finds

A Sampling of Vegan Food Options from Conad

Frozen Soups and Veggies

Wine

Again, it would not be surprising for someone who moved to Italy to write home and say that he/she had great wine.  And it would be even more surprising to hear me, Tracey Kleber, say that I didn't like the wine here. But my extra delight comes from the opportunities for sampling good wine from Puglia. And, to top it all off, it is incredibly inexpensive.  I can buy good, drinkable wine for €3 at the store.  We have good bottles of wine for €15 in restaurants. (Caveat:  I’m not really a wine snob….as good wine for me is defined as wine that I like.) Puglia used to be known as a region that grew grapes to be blended into wines from other regions.  However it has grown into a well-renowned wine producing region. And we are enjoying the trend very much.

On my list to explore are the many vineyards in the area.  The last weekend in May when there is an event called “Cantine Aperte” (open cantinas). I just need a partner in crime.  And I need to find a good driver. Watch this space...

Rosé on a warm afternoon has become a favorite.

Medicine

I wrote in a prior post that I still hadn’t found a doctor for myself (while making it a priority to find a veterinarian for the dogs).  And without having resident status I am not yet in a position to attach myself to a local GP.  Much to my surprise, however, I learned (via our friend Graham) that there is a service in Italy providing medical care after hours and to people who are not, for one reason or another, entitled to the national health service.  Last Sunday morning (yep, SUNDAY!) I drove to Martina Franca and met Graham who kindly accompanied me to the facility for a visit with the on-call doctor.  We explained my situation.  Told him the medicine I needed.  He wrote me a prescription.  I walked out.  He didn’t charge me.  Filling my prescription?  €3!!  Seriously.  €3!!  And the doctor said if I run out before I secure my residency I could come back and he’ll give me another prescription.  (This medicine would cost me over $600 a month without insurance in the US.) 

While there might not be any facility as state-of-the-art as the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center near here,  the fact that I got my medicine, no questions asked, goes a long way to compensate.  Although I am very sure I will encounter bumps and frustrations along the way with Italian healthcare, there is something that is, at its core, sane and civilized about this system.

Additional side note:  I developed a little skin growth on my clavicle soon after I arrived here that, given my extensive history of skin cancer, had me a little concerned.  By lucky coincidence I happened to park across the street from a dermatologist’s office in Locorotondo the other day.  So I decided to look him up online. His name is Dott. Giovanni Felice (love his name).  I emailed him.  He agreed to see me that evening as a private patient.  My office visit plus removal of three bumps with local anesthesia was €130.  Pleasant surprise.

 

Il Veterinario And The Referendum

Un Viaggio Al Veterinario

One of the biggest concerns I had about moving to a new country, particularly one where my language skills are basic at best, was my ability to access healthcare.  Not only for myself, but for the animals.  After years of having consistently good care from both our people doctors and our veterinarians at Malibu Coast Animal Hospital, our bar was set pretty high. And I wasn’t really sure what to expect. So…after six weeks of living in Italy:

I1)  have yet to see a doctor.  And I’m running out of medicine.  I don’t have resident status yet so I can’t access the public health system.  Fortunately, private healthcare here costs a fraction of what it does in the US and in the short term I do, thankfully, have that option. Must do something about this soon. (NB: In a recent Bloomberg study, Italy ranked second healthiest country in the world. I think it has as much to do with the lifestyle as it does the healthcare. I’m actually counting on olive oil and wine more than conventional medicine.)

2) The dogs, of course, officially have their new veterinarian.  He is in Martina Franca and his name is Dott. Pietro Palmisano (seems that Palmisano is a very popular name in Puglia). We were introduced by our new friend Graham, who agreed to accompany us to our first visit. We loaded all four dogs into crates and into the car and ventured out for their meet and greet. And then a second visit to get their leishmaniasis tests (very serious and prevalent disease in Southern Italy).  Here’s how it went:

Natalia:  DISASTER. She needed a rabies vaccine on her first visit as well as her blood test on the second visit.  If there is a stronger 20-lb dog in the world, I would be surprised. She is not a good ambassador for American dogs. However, with the help of some strong arms and a muzzle we got her through it. Twice. Good thing she’s so pretty. J

Elisabetta (Lizzie):  SUPERSTAR!  As usual our little fuzzy wuzzy one-eyed wonder dog was a trooper. 

Mario:  GETS A PASSING GRADE. He grizzled and grumbled the whole time he had the tourniquet on his arm.  But no bites. Whew!

Luigi:  DRAMA QUEEN.  I have often said that Luigi is the reincarnation of our first dog, Creature…or at least he channels his sprit occasionally.  This is exactly how Creature would have handled himself (except when he was with Dr. Lisa, who had a special relationship with him.) Despite the yelps and squirms, he survived his test.

Fortunately, and not surprisingly since leishmaniasis not an issue in CA, their tests all came back negative, and we will start them on treatments to prevent the diseases that are a new threat to us living here in Puglia. And each of the dogs now his/her own “Libretto Sanitario”. How fancy is that?

I should mention here that the cost of the four leishmaniasis tests was EUR 120. We, of course, left the house with no cash. Dott. Palimisano’s response when we offered to run to a Bancomat?  “Non ti preoccupi”. Don’t worry.  You can pay me whenever. (I went back the next day as I don’t do well leaving things hanging.) But the gesture?  Much appreciated.

P.S. It makes me smile every time someone here says to me “calma”, “tranquilla”, “non ti preoccupi”.  Anyone who knows me will recognize that a good dose of calm/tranquil is what I needed and probably a big part of why I chose to come to Southern Italy.  But it is taking a while to sink in.

The Drilling Referendum

I am sure for many people reading this blog yesterday’s drilling referendum in Italy won’t have even hit your radar.  But as a resident of Italy and a rabid conservationist, I found it to be a pretty big deal. 

Despite significant protestations from Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi, the Italian people were presented with a referendum that focused on whether Italy should stop renewing offshore drilling licenses within 12 miles (20 km) of the coast. New drilling concessions are no longer being handed out, but the government says old agreements should be kept in play. In order for the ballot to be valid, over 50 percent of the voting population had to participate.  The government leaders encouraged people to stay home.  Sadly, a quorum was not reached, with only 30 percent turnout, and the measure defeated.

I was saddened to hear this, not just because I believe in what the referendum stood for, but because so many of the people here in Puglia with whom I have interacted were passionately in favor.  I am disappointed on behalf of my new neighbors. (Our waiter in a little restaurant in Locorotondo yesterday told us how important for the whole world this referendum would be.)

One thing that I find incredibly attractive about Puglia is the pride of the people.  And their approach to protecting the land and the culture.  I hope next time there is a vote they (we) win!

 

 

 

Thoughtful Consumption....Gigabytes and Kilowatts (and a Few Pretty Pictures!)

I am sure that we have provided our new friends in Italy plenty of stories to tell their friends.  You know, the stories about the clueless Americans. And our approach to consumption.

Remember when I posted about our first week here in Puglia?  Remember how we lost power? And how we made repeated panicked calls to our friend Franco?  I may have mentioned that it turned out we had exceeded the 3 kilowatts in our contract (this was separate from the storm outage).  You see, when you purchase electricity on a monthly basis here, you purchase a fixed amount. Your usage is not unlimited.  Did we know this?  No.  We just proceeded as we always had, assuming that electricity would just keep on coming (as it always had, albeit at a cost). Now we know better.  And we have a 6kw contract. 

The same is true for internet/wifi connection.  When we signed up for TooWay (Open Sky) satellite internet, we figured that we had contracted for a sufficient number of Gigabytes to handle our needs (I have never had to guess how many Gigabytes I use, have you?).  Ha!  10 days into our monthly contract our internet connection ground to a halt.  We had consumed 103% of our contracted amount. Who knew that a few Netflix movies streaming to your computer and a few Skype conference calls would suck up that much data?!?!? More SOS calls to Franco and Pasquale, poor guys. We have now subscribed to the most generous non-business package they offer.  100 Gigabytes per month.

And mobile phones?  This one is interesting and very telling. Craig and I each signed up for contracts with Wind (Italian mobile provider).  Our contracts give us each the following:  500 minutes, 500 texts, 1 Gigabyte of data usage and 80 minutes of calling back to the US.  So….5 days before the end of our monthly renewal we have each used up our data.  And have not even dented our voice and SMS allowances. You know what that says to me?  Tracey Kleber, get your head out of your email and Facebook.  Maybe pick up the phone and call people when you need to speak with them. What a novel idea.

I mention all of this as I thought, until I moved here, I was a pretty conscious consumer. But I guess what I defined as conscious consumption just meant, very simply, that I was aware of what I consumed.  I didn't really put limits on myself.  Having to look more carefully at the resources available to me, however, has caused me to take pause and think about how much of anything is really essential.  Let’s see how we do in the next 30 days.   I have a sneaking suspicion we will be OK.  Perhaps even happier.  NB: Doesn't mean I won't sneak in a Netflix movie or two. Oh....and please note that I have not curtailed wine consumption....or pasta....or bread....or olives.  They are in ample supply here.  Along with really kind people and sunshine.

Now for the pretty pictures....just because.

There are a few houses next to ours that have not had any visitors since we arrived.  I am not sure what their status is for Spring/Summer, but I can say for sure that mother nature has done her job in getting the properties ready.  These purple flowers are amongst my very favorite.  And I get to enjoy them free!

 

And speaking of flowers...my garden is doing really well.  I can take no credit at all.  The guys who planted them and the Puglia weather did it without any input from me. Note that Lizzie has decided she belongs in the garden as well. She's the prettiest flower of all!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Venti Forti and Other Miscellaneous Thoughts

If I hadn’t known what “venti forti” meant before I moved to Puglia, I would surely have learned it in the first few weeks.  “Venti forti“ means “strong winds”.  And we’ve had more than our fair share since arriving to the villa on the hill.  Puglia is subject to both the mistral and scirocco winds, hitting the peninsula from both directions.  And they definitely impact how you spend your days, which coast you visit at any given time, etc.  (A good thing for windsurfers and kite surfers!)

I was thinking over the past few days that dealing with a strong wind is a lot like facing a new challenge in life…like moving to a new country or making any other major change.  You can decide to continually head into the bluster and fight it, or you can turn so that the wind is at your back…letting it carry you forward. I’ve decided that I am going to, for as long as I live here, view the wind as being at my back….

Just for fun here are a few of the latest developments in life during my first month in Puglia.

My Closet Dilemma: Problem Solved (Mostly)

I bought my flat knowing full well that I wouldn’t have any closets.  So turning the third bedroom into a laundry/dressing room was, I thought, a very strategic plan. But, as I have mentioned previously, despite my best attempts at spatial planning I was still having challenges.  Four armoires later, I managed to squeeze all of my hanging clothes into place.  But I still had shoes, shoes, shoes and bags, bags, bags, everywhere.

With the arrival last weekend of my adorable Fiat 500L, however, I was able to make my first trip to IKEA in Bari and get some storage solutions.  (Note:  That was the first of what I anticipate will be many trips to IKEA as what is perhaps my favorite food store ever, EATALY, is close by. I am like a kid in a candy store.) After struggling to wrangle my new shoe racks away from a man who was trying to “help” me and get them into my car, I raced home and begged my ex-husband to help me with the assembly. 30 minutes later….Voila!  I have my shoes organized.  Mostly.  I am happy.  And I managed to get most of my bags off the floor.  And my folding clothes are folded on shelves and in dresser drawers.  Whew!  I see the light.

** I should also note that there are donation bins for clothing, shoes, bags, etc. in multiple locations in every town in this area.  About time to do another re-think on my possessions.**




Bags

Shoes

Eataly in Bari...three kinds of quinoa, lentils and all kinds of good veggie stuff

Beans, olives and more olives!

Lots of wine

 

Washing/Drying/Dishwashing…Changing Perspectives on Scale

When I embarked on this renovation project, I decided that my must-haves would include a washer, a dryer and a dishwasher.  And I got them. All shiny and new.  And small.  Actually they're probably not that small. I realize it's all relative.  They are only small when viewed through my suburban America lens.  (I'm sure if I had ever lived in New York City, the size of European appliances would be normal for me.)

So I am adapting. I wash two or three pairs of jeans and some t-shirts. Not five or six pairs. I wash my California king fleece bed sheets in two loads. I patiently await the much longer wash and dry cycles.  And you know what?  My appliances do just fine.  They are energy-efficient. My clothes are clean.  And dry. I hand wash more dishes. (Some of my bigger dinner plates do not fit in the new dishwasher.) I am finding it therapeutic. And I will invest in more hand lotions.  

 

Water and Gas

When we purchased this villa neither Craig nor I thought to ask where our water and gas came from.  It’s hard to believe this looking back, because utilities were an issue with a lot of properties as we did our search around Italy. 

So what have we learned?

We get our water delivered.  In a big truck.  A big truck that arrives and fills our water tank (a real water tank, not to be confused with pools that are registered as “water tanks”).  Every three weeks or so we have to call the water supplier and have him visit. I am waiting for the day when we forget and our water tank runs dry. 

Our gas?  Also delivered.  In another big truck.  Again, we need to order the gas.  Or we have no heat.  Or hot water.  Our fancy new “caldaie” will not work without gas.

 

Car Insurance and GPS

My good friend, who is from Rome, learned of my dilemma trying to find reasonably-priced car insurance as a new car owner in Italy.  Not easy. It turns out his brother has a very good friend who works for Allianz in Rome.  A few phone calls later....I am getting car insurance at the "friends and family" rate with a free GPS unit installed. I am so incredibly grateful.

So last Friday I find myself at Elettrauto Muolo in Fasano getting my new GPS unit installed. It will provide me with emergency assistance and traceability of my car should it go "missing".  The garage is small.  And yet these guys manage to work on three cars at a time.  Their spatial relations abilities are much better than my own.  During the hour while they do the installation I wander around the neighborhood amazed by the little pieces of creativity I see all around me...like the use of broken vases and stone.  Puglia has so many layers and I love uncovering them.

 

 

 

New Discoveries

During my house hunting visits to Puglia, I spent a fair amount of time driving around this area, hoping to get a feel for what life would be like here. I visited Ostuni, Alberobello, Cisternino, Savelletri, Lecce, etc. Two of the towns I missed, however, were Martina Franca and Locorotondo.  Here are some pics of these two lovely towns I have discovered since arriving.

Approaching Locorotondo

View from the town

 

Drinks

 

 

Martina Franca

Martina Franca

 

 

Gelato in Martina Franca (I didn't stop, but it was tempting.)

 

Call me silly, but I am very excited about finding a kebab shop in Martina Franca that does falafel in a pita!

 

There is still much of Puglia to explore.  And I am thrilled because with every new discovery I get more excited about my new home.  And about sharing it with everyone.  Ciao for now!

One Great Loss....And One Not So Much

This post only indirectly relates to my Italy story, but I wanted to share in the hope that it will remind all of us to cherish the important relationships in our lives.  And to recognize that it is not always by blood that the best people enter our lives.  Here goes….

In the past two weeks I was made aware of the deaths of two men who have played roles in my life.  The contrast between the two of them could not be greater, and my reactions to their passing very different.

Griffith Dudding

The first news I got was of the death of my father, Griffith Dudding.  My sister Megan told me via text that our friend Denise had shared his obituary from the newspaper in Allentown PA.  The fact that this is how we learned of his death should be a good clue as to the nature of our relationship.  You see, after our mother died (I had just turned 4 and my sister was only days old) our father checked out of his parental role where we were concerned.  He remarried a woman who was horrible to us and made it clear that she did not want us.  He drank heavily and then got sober.  And when he left behind his drinking days, he also left behind the two little daughters who needed him. He had a son who became the focus of his attention. And we completely lost touch.  Now we didn’t have a father. No support, financial or otherwise. Nothing. Fortunately, we had the best grandparents in the world who took care of us and made sure that we would be OK. And you know what? We were and we are.

I often wonder if my self-deprecation, drive for an unattainable level of perfection in so many things that I do and mistrust in relationships can be traced back to this abandonment.  Maybe my zeal to make this crazy move to Italy is all part of my proving that I am worthy and capable.  Who knows.  But no matter.  It is what it is. And I am so very lucky that I had the support I did growing up. I have had an AMAZING life!

My reaction to his death?  Sadness.  But not because he will be missed by us.  There is nothing to miss.  It’s just that Megan and I have always held out the small hope that one day he would acknowledge us.  And perhaps apologize.  But we were not even mentioned in his glowing obituary.  And we learned he had Alzheimer’s Disease.  So the chances that he remembered us for even a split second are slim to none.

His loss.

Graham Green

Within days of learning of my father’s death I learned of the passing of a friend from the UK.  Graham Green.  I had worked with Graham during the time I lived in London back in the late 90s.  He was a force of nature.  A larger than life character. He was absolutely outrageous. He made me laugh and he made me cringe. He was not even close to being politically correct. And he had an amazing ability to drink three pints of Guiness at lunch and still go back to work and be productive (often leaving me on the floor of the pub...once literally). He was a great businessman.  A great father.  And a great friend. 

Graham had cancer.  And the last time I talked to our mutual friend Mickie I thought for sure Graham was going to beat it.  He was tough. But I guess this time the cancer was tougher.

Graham was not in my life for a long period of time.  But he did have an influence on me.  I remember him talking about his holiday home in Brittany (France) and thinking how someday I would love to own a home on the continent.  I loved his zest for life.  His passion. His sense of humor.

My reaction to his passing?  A much different kind of sadness.  He will be missed by many people, even those of us who were on the periphery of his life.  The loss for me is much greater than losing my own father.  Crazy as they might be, I would much rather follow in Graham’s footsteps.

 

My New Normal

I was thinking earlier today how my life in Brentwood seems like ages ago, after less than three weeks of living here in Puglia.  It's very strange how quickly things change. And while I fully acknowledge that I have tons to learn about the culture and language of my new home, certain things have already become my new “normal”.  A few examples...

1)    My world is now full of people named Franco, Francesco, Leonardo, Mimmo, Giovanni, Roberta, Grazia, Donna Maria, etc. Not another Tracey or Craig in sight.

 

2)    A few months ago I didn’t know what a “codice fiscale” was. Now I don’t leave home without mine. (Closest analogy in the US would be a social security card).  You need your codice fiscale to do just about everything here. 

3)      I have learned how to send money from my Banco di Napoli account to pay for goods and services in Italy. I have learned how to use an “O-Key” for online banking.  You need this for every transaction. I have made three “bonifici” (wire transfers) today alone.

 

 

4)      For the last 7 years while living in the US I attempted to learn Italian.  I took formal classes, used Rosetta Stone, etc.  But I was always reluctant to test my skills for fear of making mistakes and sounding stupid.  So I didn't even try. Ha! Guess what?  I have now been thrown in the deep end.  And it’s fine.  I am sure I am butchering this beautiful language, but I am managing. So I continue to speak Italian. And I hope someday I can say I speak Italian well.

5)      I’m not watching television. Well, that’s not exactly true. I have watched a good bit of Fox Sports coverage of the Barclay’s Premier League and Serie A.  And I do have my Modern Family binges. But I haven’t had one meal in front of the TV.  For me this is a good thing.  I hope it continues.

6)      I have embraced the fresh food vs. fully stocked freezer and pantry approach to cooking. After an excursion yesterday to find a mailbox (Craig was told by the police during the residency visit that we have to have a new mailbox with the name Kleber on it), I popped into a little vegetable stand in Fasano.  €4 later, I walked out with a bunch of bananas, two eggplants, and a basil plant.  I am going to combine the eggplant with the zucchine, tomatoes, and peppers that we bought in Ostuni this week to make ratatouille (served over the organic cous cous I bought at my fave bottega naturale, Soleterra).  Oh….sidenote….we also stumbled on a wine shop today in Ostuni that has huge vats of wine with hoses protruding from them.  You better believe we’ll be back with our 3/5 litre jugs to get them filled very soon.  (They also have bottles and lovely little gift packs with olive oil and orrechiette pasta that I intend to use for guests who rent Villa di Capo.)

 

 

7)      It's not easy, but I am learning to slow down...despite the flurry of activity that confronted us during our first few weeks. I guess this is the proverbial stopping to smell the roses. It's not just a function of being in Italy, but a function of leaving behind my manic work life. It's nice to have a drink or a tea/coffee or a chat with a neighbor. And for a change feel no compulsion to rush off to a conference call. That is a very happy feeling.

 

8)    I have experienced a change in the way relationships develop.  They seem more organic.  Perhaps this is born out of necessity and/or a sense of community. Not sure. But I like it. People enter your life in ways they did not in LA.  As an example, one morning last week a gentleman named Graham popped by to introduce himself as he was on his way to check in on our neighbor's rental property.  He and his partner Chris run a business that provides pool maintenance and rental property management (amongst other things) in the Region. It was delightful to meet him and now  "Puglia Pools" has turned into our best ally for all things as we get Villa di Capo ready for the rental season. I can only imagine how I would have searched to connect with a vendor at this level in California.

9)      The dogs are loving their new normal. And I am so proud of the way they have adjusted to life here. Here are some shots of them in their new digs.  (Going on record, however, to say that they still haven't found neighbors as good as Meredith and Grady Abber.) 

Lizzie and Natalia survey their new garden.

Big sister. Little brother.

Luigi sits in the sun under his favorite lemon tree.

Lizzie strikes a pose.

Mario has decided he likes radiator heat.

Tiny dog.  Big garden.  This is where the pool will be built.
 

And finally, this is not new, but it is for sure my normal.  Salute!